I feel so unwanted

I feel so stupid in my guild right now...
The main person I hang out with in the game...
He wants back in the guild..
He keeps asking the guild leader, but the guild leader doesn't want him
Black guild hops too much..
The guild leader doesn't want a guild hopper
I didn't think he would want him either, I told him that
But he goes and PMs him anyways...
And then it's me that they ask, "Why is he PM me?"
"He doesn't want back in the guild again does he?"
"Who told him to PM me?"
>.>;;
I just didn't want Black to tell me to ask again
So I am still left feeling stupid
And like I am useless and ::sigh::
I just feel like I am on the chopping block wondering why there is a crowd around me >.>
I am just afraid that one day I am going to log onto my characters and find them kicked out
of the guild...
And I know I would be left crying
because I love being in this guild,
And I love the ppl in it
They are all so nice and wonderful ^-^
But I am afraid that the guild leader doesn't like me...
Raxx says that Vader is paranoid about my relationship with Black
I think he is worried that I might be feeding off information
I would never do that purposefully >.<
I do really like this guild
And Vader is hilarious some days
I don't know...
I guess I am just so insecure ...
Raxx said he would make sure that I would never be kicked...
But what if he can't convince him...
If I do ever get kicked I think I would be devastated...
I don't think I would want to be in a guild ever again ;___;
.....
I don't think he will
I think I am being paranoid
and over sensitive
I guess it hurts when you are ignored half the time...
but then who knows
Maybe I'm not being paranoid
and the guild leader doesn't like me
I think I am going to back off on the jokes...
Maybe they are annoying...
I don't know
there is something wrong with me
That I am so insecure..
I guess I am so in need of being liked
And considered a good person, a good player...
It sucks too cause right now
you can't be "Emo"
i.e. be upset or emotional about ANYthing...
So asking about whether the guild leader is ok with you, big no no
Talking about how you feel >.>
Don't think about it
Just be happy, don't talk about anything important
and you are good to go /no1
It really is a good guild...
I think I am just being over sensitive
I tend to do that >.>

Oh well